Cold Feet Brrrrrggh

Yesterday morning, I was lazily trying to figure out what time it was. Basically, I was laying with my back to the clock guessing if it was 3am or 6am or 11pm. I was only in suspense for a few moments, when I realized the reason I was awake at all was a rustling noise. I strained to clarify what it was that was making said rustling but nothing seemed to move. 6:03am is what the clock told me, much to my dismay. Church starts at 9am and Little Miss and I leave around 8:30, in order to get her to Sunday School on time. Not enough time to go back to sleep but too much time to get up!

I was just about to roll over and go back to sleep when a whisper from the end of my bed said in a whisper, "Mommy, the dogs are excited! I think they want to eat me for breakfast". Smiling in the dark, I told her that was probably not the case. Then asked her if she wanted to lay down a minute with me. For the first time in a month, she agreed. Then she came up and laid down with her head on my pillow... but face to face... not spooning or snuggling. I closed my eyes for a minute, sooo tired was I, but opened my eyes just for a second to check on Little Miss. Who was laying WIDE EYED looking at my face. I smiled. She smiled. I squeezed her arm. She squeezed my arm. Caught up in this sweet intimate moment with my daughter, we matched Monkey See Monkey Do for several minutes. Then she scrunched up her nose, closed her eyes, nestled down in the covers and STUCK HER FREEZING COLD BARE FEET ON MY STOMACH.

I let out a small audible "oooooooohhh" and swallowed my outburst, as Daddy was sleeping 2 feet to my left. I thanked God for that little moment with my daughter and made a mental note to call Papa and apologize for the years that I woke him up like that.

Adoption Process

I have been asked on multiple occasions to recount our adoption journey. It probably will be something to come back to, once this overwhelming part is over, and so I will do so in a few parts.

To start, we must answer the question of "Why adoption?". Daddy M and I have been trying to have a family of our own for nearly 6 years. We wouldn't have started so early or so intensely, if it hadn't been for my health issues. "Have them Now or Never" is what the doctors kept saying. Surgery after surgery, fertility treatment, surgery, recovery, fertility treatment and on and on. Nothing worked. We were being told that Invitro would have a 2% chance of working (where do they come up with this stuff? 2% ... so you're saying there's a CHANCE!). Daddy and I had to face the fact that a $20k investment in starting our family meant a 2% chance of success with our own child or a 100% chance with adoption. We grieved, tried other ways to pretend it wasn't happening to us, and even ignored starting a family. For Daddy, this ignoring was a much easier process. He wasn't ready, or even sure, that family was what he wanted. Thank God that he was sure about one thing, that Mommy was what he wanted. If a family is what I needed, then a family we would have.

We went to a presentation for international adoption, feeling that if we were "buying the family" then we might as well buy one that looked like Daddy. $20k became $30k and the process requires HUGE cash deposits upfront. This was just another huge mountain, in what already seemed like an impossibly difficult journey. With the housing market, stock market, and economy being what they are, I felt like convincing Daddy to pour this kind of money for a baby was not going to happen. You still have to pay for the baby once you get it, and that wouldn't really be possible without moving to a trailer in the not so great parts of town. So, I started looking into the other ways to start a family.

While looking into ways of feeding my baby addiction, I stumbled upon a crisis center that I volunteered at in high school. It turns out that they opened an adoption agency wing. I started reading the material, found out that the process was free.. and set out on convincing Daddy that 16 weeks of classes, certifications, background checks, and mess was worth saving $20k, and that saving a child from a bad background was a noble and rewarding thing. Ultimately, we compromised (which is why I love our marriage so much) on going through the process but only to accept a white or Asian child from newborn to 2 years old. Basically, as we saved for an adoption, if they were going to give us a child in our criteria then it was a step in the same direction. We signed up and started our classes.

16 weeks of Wednesday night classes for 3 hours at a clip, First Aid certification, background checks, fingerprints, financial disclosure, family and friend and work testimonials, house inspections, psychological interviews together and alone.... and the most unexpected thing... FANTASTIC FRIENDS. A support group with a common purpose, common fears, common experiences, very very different backgrounds and stories, but a dedicated supportive group of people. Without my Wednesday Night Wannabe's ... there would be no Little Miss... because Mommy and Daddy never would have made it through all of the classes.

Finally, on July 1st, we were State Certified Adoptive Parents! Now that we were on the registry waiting list, with nothing else to do, it would be the simple matter of waiting. Ha! ha hahaahha. Did I say SIMPLE? This was the MOST excruciating part!!! Seeing teenager mothers at McDonalds cuddling their babies, going to parks and seeing all the kids play, hanging out with Racer and Princess at family get togethers, were all STARK reminders of what I didn't have. What seemed like forever (like the Sandlot scene.. FOR... E...VER) and forever, turned out to be just short of 3 months of waiting.

Daddy!

On Saturday, Little Miss was chasing the dogs around the house. Everyone was on Excitement Level 6, when M entered the game of chase/tickle/run. During all of the excitement, Little Miss ran up to M screaming "Tickle me Daddy!" and the whole room was sucked of its air. M turned to me and raised an eyebrow, which I returned in stunned fashion. We agreed in hushed conversation shortly thereafter to start referring to each other as Mommy and Daddy. Daddy and Mommy were cemented within 24 hours. There were several "Chr... Mommy can I have a drink" or "Miste... Daddy come here please" moments that Little Miss corrected herself on during that period. All of which made me smile. Now, there is no hesitation. It has been confirmed, and we are taking notice of all the times that she says it with a little smile in our hearts.

Fun at the zoo

Zoo Bates

The whole clan went to the zoo yesterday, minus Uncle M who had to work. Papa, Mimi, Auntie K, Uncle R, the Racer and Princess. We got to the zoo a whole HOUR before it opened... despite being a MEMBER of the zoo... Auntie K thought it opened at 8 not 9. We spent our extra hour eating donuts at the local Dunkin store. Little Miss's first trip to the zoo was a fun experience. We pushed a double stroller, to give Little Miss, Racer, and Princess ample opportunitites to rest. We also ran into a friend from the old neighborhood at the zoo, Amanda Banana was there with her family as well! It was so much fun to see them again and exchange stories. Little Miss rode the carousel and raced her cousins on the Cheetah MPH gauge. M, Uncle R and Papa all tied for the lead at 14 mph. I came in "2nd" at 13mph. We had a great time, no fits or crying, and headed home about 1pm. Little Miss had so much fun, that she forgot her manners at the zoo. Instead of napping, she decided to be a defiant little monster. For over an hour and a half, she refused to stay in bed and rest or nap. We had some clean up time around the house, ate dinner, and then had major bath time and straight to bed. She was so exhausted from the zoo, not resting and being Stinkface, that she fell asleep in like 5 minutes in the rocking chair. Papa took fun pictures at the zoo. I will post them tomorrow.

Stare Down Bates

After only 24 hours in our house, the following story just has to be relayed. Little Miss was placed with us Friday night. On Saturday, we had our pre-planned baby shower. This posed several problems with what to tell Little Miss the party was for and how to introduce people. Finally we decided on the truth, that all of our friends and family were coming to celebrate her living with us. The party started at 3pm at the park around the corner from our house. At about 12:30pm, Little Miss started yawning while playing with the husband (M). I told Little Miss that she could lay down and rest before the party, so she would have the energy to play at the park. This was my first encounter with the StinkFace. It so absolutely screams No Way in Hell or Over My Dead Body or F You... whichever is your term. So, I told her again. She started screaming, crying, kicking, punching, etc. I picked her up and took her upstairs. I walked up and down the hall telling her to breathe and calm down. I told her that when she was done, that we were going to talk. After 10 minutes or so, she was reduced to a sort of grunt/growl noise. I put her down on her feet in the hallway. I gave her the option of going in her room for a nap or laying down with M to rest and watch cartoons. She gave me back the StinkFace. I told her that she had to answer me when I asked her a question, and I would wait for her choice. 10 minutes later we were still staring at each other standing in the hall. She hadn't done a single thing for 10 minutes since coming to live with us the night before. Then the moment of truth... she BLINKED. I knew right then that I had won. After a few more minutes, she sat down cross legged and Stinkfaced. 15 minutes after that, she laid down with her hands behind her head, to give herself the right angle for the continuation of Stinkface. Another 10 minutes after that, I calmly picked up my new little girl, who was DEAD ASLEEP in the middle of the hall. I put her down in her bed, tucked her in, kissed her forehead, and went to get ready for the party! Parents 1 Little Miss 0

Little Miss

Blank Bates

After several requests for pictures and my initial thoughts on our adoption placement, I was getting tired of saying too bad so sad. Our little girl has a security problem. That is that Birth Mom and family have a drug and violence problem, and if they knew where we were and who we were - there would be problems. Thus, in this small world, placing pictures on FB or other sites is not a good idea. A friend of a friend of grandma might say they know who we are. Thus, an anonymous blog. The Blank Bates is my creative way of blogging " _____ Bates", as in ... fill in the blank. Maybe we are Tired Bates or Sad Bates or Blessed Bates.. We will have to see where it leads. Also, being off for 6 weeks of maternity leave, and always feeling a compulsion to write. This seems like a good medium to fix several problems. Our last 5 days has been quite the hilarious, infuriating, and challenging of our lives. I look forward to keeping a journal of our adventures and having everyone read along!