Adoption Process

I have been asked on multiple occasions to recount our adoption journey. It probably will be something to come back to, once this overwhelming part is over, and so I will do so in a few parts.

To start, we must answer the question of "Why adoption?". Daddy M and I have been trying to have a family of our own for nearly 6 years. We wouldn't have started so early or so intensely, if it hadn't been for my health issues. "Have them Now or Never" is what the doctors kept saying. Surgery after surgery, fertility treatment, surgery, recovery, fertility treatment and on and on. Nothing worked. We were being told that Invitro would have a 2% chance of working (where do they come up with this stuff? 2% ... so you're saying there's a CHANCE!). Daddy and I had to face the fact that a $20k investment in starting our family meant a 2% chance of success with our own child or a 100% chance with adoption. We grieved, tried other ways to pretend it wasn't happening to us, and even ignored starting a family. For Daddy, this ignoring was a much easier process. He wasn't ready, or even sure, that family was what he wanted. Thank God that he was sure about one thing, that Mommy was what he wanted. If a family is what I needed, then a family we would have.

We went to a presentation for international adoption, feeling that if we were "buying the family" then we might as well buy one that looked like Daddy. $20k became $30k and the process requires HUGE cash deposits upfront. This was just another huge mountain, in what already seemed like an impossibly difficult journey. With the housing market, stock market, and economy being what they are, I felt like convincing Daddy to pour this kind of money for a baby was not going to happen. You still have to pay for the baby once you get it, and that wouldn't really be possible without moving to a trailer in the not so great parts of town. So, I started looking into the other ways to start a family.

While looking into ways of feeding my baby addiction, I stumbled upon a crisis center that I volunteered at in high school. It turns out that they opened an adoption agency wing. I started reading the material, found out that the process was free.. and set out on convincing Daddy that 16 weeks of classes, certifications, background checks, and mess was worth saving $20k, and that saving a child from a bad background was a noble and rewarding thing. Ultimately, we compromised (which is why I love our marriage so much) on going through the process but only to accept a white or Asian child from newborn to 2 years old. Basically, as we saved for an adoption, if they were going to give us a child in our criteria then it was a step in the same direction. We signed up and started our classes.

16 weeks of Wednesday night classes for 3 hours at a clip, First Aid certification, background checks, fingerprints, financial disclosure, family and friend and work testimonials, house inspections, psychological interviews together and alone.... and the most unexpected thing... FANTASTIC FRIENDS. A support group with a common purpose, common fears, common experiences, very very different backgrounds and stories, but a dedicated supportive group of people. Without my Wednesday Night Wannabe's ... there would be no Little Miss... because Mommy and Daddy never would have made it through all of the classes.

Finally, on July 1st, we were State Certified Adoptive Parents! Now that we were on the registry waiting list, with nothing else to do, it would be the simple matter of waiting. Ha! ha hahaahha. Did I say SIMPLE? This was the MOST excruciating part!!! Seeing teenager mothers at McDonalds cuddling their babies, going to parks and seeing all the kids play, hanging out with Racer and Princess at family get togethers, were all STARK reminders of what I didn't have. What seemed like forever (like the Sandlot scene.. FOR... E...VER) and forever, turned out to be just short of 3 months of waiting.