Christmas Bates

I have fond memories of Christmas as a kid. Making loud noises so everyone would wake up, meeting on our parents bed so everyone went to the living room together, and wearing everything you were given at once... no matter what. Our first Christmas with Little Miss turned out a little differently.

I woke up at 7am, but stayed in bed, until Little Miss came in at 8am. We all had a round of Merry Christmas then went to eat breakfast. Little Miss had yet to fully grasp the concept of presents galore that would be consuming her shortly. We opened one present with Daddy made breakfast. Then after eggs and toast, we sat in the living room for presents. Little Miss was looking sadly at her stocking and said, "Mom- Santa didn't bring me my Teddy Bear". Could have cared less what was there, but there was no bear! We talked about Santa knowing what everyone got her, to be patient. She opened bubbles, fun funky socks, jump rope, and coloring books. She started to enjoy herself and just let go.
Our big present was the play kitchen. She loves them, plays with them at school, the doctor, and at church. Upon having her very own? Her first comment after opening her eyes, "But Mom, there is no FOOD". Thank you Little Miss, for continuing your streak of inappropriate comments at big events. Classic!

We opened all of our presents, Skyped with Grammy to open hers, and went off to Auntie K's house at about noon. We were some of the first ones there, played Lego Rock Band and hung out while the crowd came in. That drumming part is HARD.. we all were horrible at first!
It turned out that 20 people showed, and the presents and seating were both unbelievable. There were people everywhere. The kids all got a crazy amounts of presents. We got fun stuff and had a fun time hanging out. Little Miss finally got her bear (thanks to Uncle M and Miss K and also to Daddy's Aunt) and food for her kitchen (thanks Princess and Racer)... because without those two things... Christmas would have been a disaster!

We stayed at Auntie K's until 8pm. There is a hilarious video of me doing a rendition of "Rudolph the Pooper" while laying on the floor with Auntie K and Little Miss, skyping with Grammy and niece Abs. It was an exhausting and fun and trying day. I will remember it forever. Little Miss had some confusion about where presents came from, who to thank, and what the whole day was about. We had to answer questions all weekend. In the end, it was a very fun day and Little Miss spent ALL weekend in PJ's giving her bears and dolls a picnic with the new kitchen. Whew... she really does love it! (relief)
Side note: My outside the box, art themed, present for Daddy was a success! Led Zeppelin album with custom painted portrait of Robert Plant will be framed soon!
Merry Christmas to All and to All a Goodnight!

Merry Christmas!!

As our first Christmas with Little Miss is about to transpire, I am filled with more anxiety than excitement. As the Doom and Gloom PS-Mapp adoption classes firmly planted in my brain, your most exciting moments will be their most terrified. Little Miss has certainly had a hard time this week. Reflective, overwhelmed, and outright sad. We have managed to turn that frown upside down every time but one. Tomorrow marks the first Bates family Christmas. The presents are wrapped and under the tree.

There will be stories and memories abundant from tomorrow, I am sure. But for now, as this daunting task of turning Christmas into a magical and loving day of family looms, I want to wish all my family and friends the Merriest Christmas of all. For all the support and love and time and advice and shoulders to lean on, Thank You.

DaddySitting

Friday Little Miss had to stay home from preschool with a high fever. I had the day off (working half day from home) for an MRI on my knee and a court appointment with the foster care review board. Daddy stayed home to take care of Little Miss while I was out. When I came home from court, it was too late for Daddy to realistically go to work across town. I turned around and left, running a ton of errands we had been neglecting. I came home at 3pm. The dogs were at the door, but the house was quiet. After looking around, I found Little Miss curled up snuggling with my husband in our bed. Apparently they had watched Shark Tale, then fell asleep. The menu music was playing over and over again in the background.

This was so adorable. I stood there and watched them for several minutes before sneaking away to get the camera. Despite all the hard times and troubles that we have been through, moments like this are so sweet and endearing they make it all have perspective. Love that Daddy! Nothing makes me love him more, than when he is such a great Dad.

Christmas Time

There is so much going on at Christmas each year, that I am always reminded of why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. This year promises to be memorable, no matter how it shakes out. There have been a few key Christmas memories that I want to hold on to from the past few days. Here they are in no order whatsoever...

1) Firsts: Little Miss had no idea who Santa was, what a Christmas tree was, why people put up lights and decorations, or even what Christmas was (commercially or spiritually). Getting through these firsts makes me thankful to experience them with her and sad she hasn't had them before.

2) The Nativity Scene: I have an old nativity set made of plaster that my Mom hand painted way way some time ago in the past. I absolutely love it. We haven't set it up in a few years, but being as Little Miss had no idea what Christmas was, I decided that was a good place to start. We had a fun afternoon putting up the people, she asked questions about who they were and where they went, and we made an end table in the living room into the Nativity Scene.... on an extra Halloween spider web... I am resourceful and I didn't have Hay or anything else fancy. Of course, Little Miss's favorite piece was Baby Jesus. She still holds him and plays with the set.

3) Santa: This was tricky. When Little Miss asked Daddy who the man in the big red suit was, Daddy was astounded. He started to explain about Santa and his ways. Little Miss asked Me over dinner that night, "Mommy, When Santa comes can I show him my Baby Jesus?". No, I explained, because Santa only comes at night when good little girls are Sleeping. She thought about it a second... then asked "When Mommies and Daddies are sleeping too?" Yes, I answered (let me make it clear that I should have thought this through a little more at the time). Little Miss replied vehemently that she didn't want him to come and please please please would Daddy and I protect her... she didn't want any of his toys. Oops. Then came the next week of talking about "Magical Santa" and watching Rudolph, Frosty, Santa is Coming to Town, etc. Princess and Racer invited Little Miss to the mall to go see Papa. Auntie K and I devised a "walk by" of Santa... Little Miss was fine and agreed to take a picture after Racer and Princess did it first. Now, Santa is exciting and magical and eats cookies but only with chocolate milk because that is his favorite....

4) Holiday Singing: Little Miss's preschool class has been practicing a few songs to sing for the parents. The day before the performance, Little Miss came home with a 103 degree fever. She is over the fever now, but still fighting off the cold, and thus missed Friday's performance. She was very upset. Daddy and I let her sing for us, but it soon became apparent that she wasn't having any fun, just missing her classmates. Next year, Little Miss, there is always Next Year.

5) The Tree: I love Christmas trees. They are important to me. I was thrilled when Little Miss and I spent a few hours putting the ornaments on the tree, her eyes emitting the same love and sparkle of the tree as I was feeling. While I was explaining the ornaments, she picked up an old rocking horse that had my name on it, when I flipped it over it said 1983. I was moved, and told Little Miss that Grammy had given me this ornament when I was 4 years old. She held the little horse in wonder and said "You were 4 years old like I am 4 years old?". She lovingly put the little rocking horse at her eye level in the middle of the tree. It is her favorite, she tells everyone who comes in the house. She will sit and stare at the tree or make the bells ring or "dance" with the angels almost everyday. Having someone love the magic of a Christmas tree as much as me, Priceless.

The Nutcracker

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, Auntie K and I took Princess and Little Miss to the Nutcracker ballet. I was offered the tickets by our adoption coordinator, and since Princess takes ballet and Little Miss idolizes Princess... I thought it would be a fun night out.

We got all dressed up, hours of preparation went into our outfits. Okay okay. Auntie K showed up at 4:40 instead of 5pm, and I was reading in my sweats while Little Miss and Daddy were taking a late nap. Whoops! So, we woke up Little Miss and Daddy. I ran to change my clothes while Auntie K did Little Miss's hair. We took a few pictures, which with Little Miss and her smiles is like deciding between Prison Mugshot or Scary clenched teeth smile. Then, when the camera is put away... she smiles like an angel... figures! PS. .. Little Miss and Mommy did not match on purpose, but its cute!

We set off on our fun adventure. We ate dinner at the Olive Garden. Made the girls try black olives, the salad dressing, and various veggies from our salad. We were waiting for a long time to get our food, so played the "eat eat eat EAT" game and ran to the car. We drove to the community center and dropped off Auntie K, with 2 minutes left literally until the woman from the agency was going into the show. Little Miss, Princess and I drove to a nearby parking lot and RAN to the theatre. We actually played red light green light, while dressed up, the whole way.

Our coordinator was there, and Little Miss was so thrilled to show her the new dress she was wearing. She stood up in the theatre and called out her name and waved... thank goodness the show hadn't started! Little Miss was a really good 4 year old sitting through an entire ballet. She was a fidgety after intermission but since I couldn't barely take the ballet, I didn't blame her. Princess thought she was in heaven, I have never seen a kid clap so hard and with the enthusiasm that she did when it was over! Little Miss has no idea what it is about, but didn't like the scary red eyes or the firecrackers. Princess and Little Miss ended up in our laps during the war scene between the Prince and the Rat King. The people sitting next to us chuckled when they flew into our laps very scared at the loud noises.

It was Little Miss's first trip to a show of any kind. She kept her ticket stubs, without any hint or suggestion from us, and wants to go again please... but to one without scary red eyes or fireworks!

Bates? Me?

Little Miss and I were driving home from the store, either Monday or Tuesday of this week. She said that they were talking about family at preschool. Then, she asked "Mommy, What is Grammy's name?". I told her that Grammy's name was really Sherry. She said, no her WHOLE name. I told her that too. Then that Papa, Mimi, and Uncle M all had the same last name. That Auntie T, Auntie K, and I used to have that last name, before we married. Little Miss was thoughtful for a second. In her silence, I continued to tell her about the family. That Auntie K, Uncle R, Racer and Princess all had the same last name. That Auntie T, Uncle L, and Abs had the same last name....

Then I told her that one day, before she goes to big school, before summer time comes back... that a big Judge was going to tell us we could absolutely keep her forever and ever. On that day, she would become Little Miss Bates. Bates, like Mommy and Daddy. A family.

Little Miss started crying. Which broke my heart, maybe she didn't want to be a Bates after all. Maybe she had an attachment to her current name. Then, she started squealing... or making noises in octaves that only dogs can hear... and started saying "I am so Excited" "I'm so Excited".

She ran in the house, laughing and hugging the dogs, hugging me. When Daddy got home, she ran up to him and told him she was going to be a Bates like us one day... and then bestowed upon him the biggest hug ever. How can you not love that? Pitter Patter goes my heart.

Thanks Giving Bates

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday all year. The family gets together, hangs out, eats, and enjoys each other with no other stresses. No presents or dressing up (at least at our gatherings!) or expectations over the day. Just remembering that we have each other and what a blessing that truly is. This year I am filled with thanks for Little Miss, our adoption community, my family, our stable and flexible jobs, Daddy and his utter patience with my endless demands, the food on our table, the community of SVCC through softball and small group, and of course for the workings of God in my life.

This year was our first at having Thanksgiving at our house. We rearranged the refrigerator to fit Daddy's experimental brining turkey in a huge tub. I picked up the whole down stairs, and we did a considerable amount of cleaning, despite my assertions to myself that it was just my family and not necessary. We finished our prep, making sure who was bringing what, turkey in oven, with at least 2 hours to spare. I decided to try my hand at a little braiding and Little Miss loves people to play with her hair. So, then we sat around relaxing until the doorbell rang.

Within 20 minutes of the first arrival, all 11 people were at the house and talking. Papa, Mimi, and kids were enjoying the pool area and the beautiful 80 degree weather that was blessing us with its presence. Auntie K, Uncle R, Adam, and Dan all were playing Blokus or talking and hanging around the house and watching football. Daddy and I were making sure that everyone was good, and everything was taken care of.

Daddy's experimental turkey was AMAZING. Not kind of good, but unbelievably juicy and incredible. We had the usual mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn, cranberry salad, rolls, green bean casserole, turkey and ham. We ate and ate and ate... it was yummy!

Alas, after many hours of playing games and being together, the family had to leave. Papa had to work at 3am on Black Friday and Uncle R had to go to his family dinner. We were left, just the three of us, watching Daddy's Broncos smash the NY Giants and Little Miss played Fort.

She actually fell asleep in the fort, where we left her until Auntie K came to pick her up around 8pm. Mommy and Daddy both had to work the next day and Little Miss's preschool was closed.

Special big super Thank you to Daddy. Not only did he cook most of the food, but because of Mommy's knee injury impeding... did most of the cleanup as well. It did not go unappreciated. Daddy, Mommy loves you, you are the best.

Poor Blackbear

Wednesday started out as a good day. After getting off work, I stopped at the Hostess Outlet store. We used to go there when I was a kid, so its possible that I was a little overzealous with my bread, donut, and snack buying. Luckily, I split it all with Auntie K and looked a lot less ridiculous! Stopping for some milk on the way home, I decided to go into the house through the garage... which is very unusual. I almost always go in the front door. I had 2 or 3 fun errands to run before picking up Little Miss, and I was all motivated and happy about an afternoon of Me Time.

The second that I opened the laundry room door, I knew that something was very wrong. There were blood smears on the cabinet and my 6 year old, slightly overweight...ok very overweight, black lab Blackbear was laying behind the door in a pool of blood. My adrenaline rush at that point was super human. I checked Blackbears entire body, finding that the only injury was a very badly split ear. Grabbing a towel from above the washer, I attempted to stop the bleeding and see the injury better. Saying bleeding is misleading here, my poor Blackbear was GUSHING blood. Quickly I determined that this was not something that Vet Bates was going to fix (something I am known for, as I worked at a vet during and after high school). I locked Blackbear in the laundry room, by ripping the inside laundry door closed. I say Ripped because Daddy Bates installed a hook and eye bolt to hold the door open, but I already told you that I was on an adrenaline high... but I ripped the eye bolt out of the wall and closed Blackbear in. I found Longnose sleeping in the lawn, absolutely fine.

At the vet, they told me that her cut was so bad that they might have to cut off a good portion of her ear. They took her off to surgery and I went home. Needless to say, the 3 hours that it took me to clean the blood was not the wonderful afternoon that I had been expecting! It was everywhere. The fridge, the cabinets, the walls, the couch, the laundry room, the floor... did I mention my COUCH. Mrs. Clean aka Me cleaned the "scary" blood up before Little Miss came home. Auntie K, Racer, and Princess brought Little Miss home and the kids played upstairs while I cleaned.

Our neighbor watched Little Miss when I went to pickup Blackbear. The vet said that he didnt have to cut off her ear, but that he was very concerned about her bloodwork. She has a very high liver reading, and needed to bring it down with $100 a month pills. If it doesnt go down after 1 month, then they needed to do a liver ultrasound and possibly a biopsy. NO! I don't have good luck with dogs of my own. We love our dogs like members of our family, and these incidents were not a good track record. Blackbear is almost 6 and we were sure that we were past all of the bad luck.

Now the task is to keep exuberant 18 month old Longnose from biting Blackbear. We are pretty darn sure that is how she cut her ear. They are really good together, but Longnose is young and accidents happen. When Little Miss came home from the neighbors, she cried and ran to Blackbear hugging her and crying. She was much better after she saw her the next day, Blackbear was her usual hungry self! Now we cross our fingers....

State Fair Bates

Every year we go to the Fair. Daddy and Mommy love the Fair. We have food that we eat every year, rides we ride every year, and games games games! This year is special. We get to take Little Miss to her first State Fair. Going along on the trip, albeit begrudgingly, were a tired Auntie K, Princess, and Racer.

We all loaded up into Joe (what Daddy named his SUV) and drove the 45 minutes to the fairgrounds. The parking lot was almost empty and we got the best spot! We used our Lowe's receipts for 2 for 1 tickets and had our first "Fair Food" experience right inside the gate! Racer and I had a Corn Dog, Daddy and Little Miss split a huge Hot Dog, Auntie K got a gigantic Diet Coke, and Princess got Nachos. We watched a Clown Man embarass some crowd people and Daddy ate Princess's Nachos, because she didnt realize they had SAUCE. ITS NACHOS!

We got a bazillion tickets to play games and ride rides. Just before Mommy's favorite ride of the whole fair, there was a booth with her favorite Fair food.. the Roasted Corn on the Cob. So, I ate one. I shared with all the kids. Then we all, but Daddy who watched our stuff, rode the TALL CARPET SLIDE! We raced side by side and Little Miss and Mommy won! It was all skill and not at all that Little Miss had to slide with me because she wasnt tall enough to go alone!

There was a ride on the Ferris Wheel, a trip through the Jungle Maze, the House of Mirrors, Pirate Cove (which Little Miss came out of Screaming in Auntie K's arms... too scary Auntie K!), the Kids Corner with tractors, and more slides. We ate donuts, frozen bananas, funnel cakes, fresh lemonade, popcorn, corn on the cob, corn dogs, nachos, ice cream cones, cotton candy, ... I think thats it. I might have missed something...

We were all out of tickets but the kids were very upset that they didnt win any Pokemon toys. So, Daddy went and got another $50 worth of tickets and we did crazy GAME time. Racer threw two baseballs in a row to win a blown up Hammer, when Daddy couldn't, and Racer was very very proud of winning. We threw rings at ducks, darts at balloons, shot basketballs, and squirted water at spiraling monkeys! Daddy was the most winningest Daddy at the whole Fair. He was on FIRE! He won a pig with Little Miss on his lap, he won a dog with the darts for Little Miss who gave it to Racer because he was the only kid without a stuffed animal, he "accidentally" moved his water gun at the last moment for Princess to win her Pug dog, and he schooled some 20 something couple at the water race to win Mommy her Parrot (named Lofa). Daddy was such a great uncle, husband, and daddy at the fair. He was the man of the night: he ate the most food, won the most rides, and took the kids on the Ferris wheel all by himself. I love you Daddy.

Then on the way out, we heard something happening in the Grand Stand. We rushed up and watched the Demolition Derby! It was so loud and ridiculous. We each picked our favorite cars and watched them run around the mud pit. Cars on fire, smoking, bumpers falling off, and people running from wrecks. The kids were a little freaked out by the noise level and we had to leave early. It was so much fun! All of the adults liked it way more than the kids did.

All in all the State Fair 2009 was awesome! Three kids who ate more than their body weight in "Crappy for you but Oh So Yummy" Fair Food and three adults who lived for 3 hours as kids again!

Phantom of the Opera

For our birthdays, Auntie K and I have started a tradtion a few years back. We give each other two tickets to a Broadway show and always take each other out to dinner before hand. She took me to Wicked this year, which was AWESOME! A 9.5 out of 10 easily. For her birthday, which isn't until December, I got her tickets to Phantom of the Opera, her favorite. It was only showing in November, so we were celebrating early.

We started with dinner at Black Angus, where we laughed and joked and shared all of our food! We had bread, potato skins with sour cream, salads, and NY strip steaks. Auntie K had wine and I had Mountain Dew. She must have made 5 jokes about Designated Driver Mommy while she drank her 1 glass of wine. She cracks me up. Then off to Gammage we went for our show!

Sadly, after a mediocre performance, Auntie K and I were not so impressed with Phantom. I couldn't remember half the songs, and Auntie K missed the fact that one of the actors was black. We made a midnight run to McDonalds... ok I did... for a twist cone and some fries. We laughed about each other not "paying attention" to the show and laughed so hard in the car that my stomach hurt! Or maybe it was the ice cream and fries....

We posed for the camera just before leaving the house... using Princess's favorite camera pose.

Little Miss, Daddy, and Blackbear were having quality time while we were at the show!

Little Miss's Room

Ever since we brought Little Miss home, I have felt lacking in some Motherly way. In some small part, this had to do with her very institutionally white bedroom. I did not feel inspired, even though the furniture that Daddy and I picked out was Awesome... if I do say so myself.

I enlisted the help of Auntie K, and we set out to paint Little Miss's room in one morning. We put on our tunes, Auntie K taped, I prepped, and we were on our way. We had a few fiascoes. Her nose, my hat, her hair, my hair, and my whole right side all ended up with paint on them... but amazingly... only her nose got a photo! Who's the best? Auntie K is the best! Who's the best? Auntie K is the best! was our chant. We moved the furniture around like He-Women, painted, and applied all of the special appliques!

By the end of the morning, it was awesome. I had completed one small Motherly step. The room was girlie and cute and inspiring! I love it.

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Mom, what is THIS?

Even though my last post was on the first of this month, there has been so much going on that I need to "catch up".. so welcome to marathon blogging. I am going to catch up to today or die trying.

On a glorious Sunday afternoon last week, Daddy and I were watching an enjoyable afternoon of football. Little Miss was playing with her new favorite thing, her play doctor set. She was examining all of her stuffed animals. Some needed shots, others had fevers, and she would treat them all accordingly. It was laid back and relaxing, one thing we have missed since Little Miss has come into our lives.

Breaking up this Norman Rockwell moment was our bloodhound Longnose. Longnose was out back howling like there was a raccoon up in a tree right there in our backyard. She would not stop, despite all three Bates' yelling No at various times. Little Miss got up to go yell at Longnose again... and came back to tell Mommy that Longnose was chewing up something in the yard that was not hers. I asked "What?" Little Miss "I don't know. The grass is wet." So, I told her to go put her sandals on and get it. She complied.

Little Miss walked back in the house and handed me the object in question. With an innocent "Mommy, what is this?", she handed me the TAMPON. I was faced with one of those moments, where you decide just HOW much truth to tell. So, straight faced, I said stoically " It's a tampon." Then put it aside. Daddy, still sitting on the couch across from me, said "No Little Miss, that is a tampoon!". Little Miss's eyes lit up. She started guessing what it was for. .. Is it like a marker? No. Is it like a hot dog? No. Is it like a ear cleaner? No. I decided to not tell her what it was, but still Tampon was the new word of the day. I couldn't help but laugh inside every time she said it!

Happy Halloween!

Halloween Night was a blast! We ate fried chicken in the driveway. We trick or treated over 2 hours. There were at least 20-30 people on the hayride at all times, and when Daddy stopped the ride, it was like an explosion of children running for more candy! Little Miss had never been dressed up or gone door to door before (or so she remembers! ) so she was very nervous at the beginning! After chasing all the other little kids up the streets for awhile, she was a SCREAMING, LAUGHING, HELLION of energy! On the trailer, off the trailer, on the trailer! We were expecting the kids to get sick of the hayride.... but that never happened.
All the kids stayed up until midnight, watching Humphalump Halloween and talking about all the fun they had. All the parents were playing dominoes downstairs and eating... I mean "testing" the candy!


Auntie K, Mommy, and Little Miss

The hayride... the kids thought this was so cooool!

Luigi Racer, Cinderella Little Miss, and Pokemon Trainer Princess

TJ Whoshmanzay Mommy, Cinderella Little Miss, and Ghostbuster Daddy

(And those bruises on my knees... Trapeze 101 war wounds! )

Flying Trapeze Bates!

That is right people, Mommy the Fearless went on an adventure Saturday morning. For my 30th birthday, Auntie K and clan bought me a flying trapeze lesson. Given that I have a horrid fear of heights, this was an adventure I was looking forward to... and ridiculously scared of all at once. Climbing a 25 foot ladder with rungs no wider than 1 foot hold... Aahahahahghghghhg!!!

Step onto the platform, without looking down!, and get tethered in. My best friend on all the Earth at that moment was Ben. Ben was the one holding me onto the platform, no matter how much that heavy bar was trying to pull me off.

The thrill and scare of the first swing, I will never forget. Combine swinging in the park with cliff jumping and acrobatics... and there you have the flying trapeze! By the end of an hour and half with multiple runs, I was able to swing. Then put my feet up and over the bar above my head, lean back and let go! That is RIGHT people... I flew NO HANDS 30 feet in the air! But my most amazing moment was the 2nd to last run. Not only did I hang upside down.. but righted myself in time to BACK FLIP off the bar into the net!! I even yelled Woooooo HOOOOOOO on the way down!

I highly recommend this adventure for anyone who would attempt it. My knees are bruised, my shoulders hurt, and my abdomen is pumped. It was all so worth it. Auntie K took video, Papa took some pictures, all the kids cheered me on, and Daddy was very very supportive. Thank you Auntie K, Uncle R, Racer and Princess... it was the ride of a lifetime!

Pumpkin Patch

The weekend before Halloween, Auntie K and I took the three kids to the pumpkin farm. We searched and searched for the right pumpkins.. We played in the hay. We pulled a cart with all of our pumpkins through the maze of people and decorations. This is how our adventure turned out!

Cold Feet Brrrrrggh

Yesterday morning, I was lazily trying to figure out what time it was. Basically, I was laying with my back to the clock guessing if it was 3am or 6am or 11pm. I was only in suspense for a few moments, when I realized the reason I was awake at all was a rustling noise. I strained to clarify what it was that was making said rustling but nothing seemed to move. 6:03am is what the clock told me, much to my dismay. Church starts at 9am and Little Miss and I leave around 8:30, in order to get her to Sunday School on time. Not enough time to go back to sleep but too much time to get up!

I was just about to roll over and go back to sleep when a whisper from the end of my bed said in a whisper, "Mommy, the dogs are excited! I think they want to eat me for breakfast". Smiling in the dark, I told her that was probably not the case. Then asked her if she wanted to lay down a minute with me. For the first time in a month, she agreed. Then she came up and laid down with her head on my pillow... but face to face... not spooning or snuggling. I closed my eyes for a minute, sooo tired was I, but opened my eyes just for a second to check on Little Miss. Who was laying WIDE EYED looking at my face. I smiled. She smiled. I squeezed her arm. She squeezed my arm. Caught up in this sweet intimate moment with my daughter, we matched Monkey See Monkey Do for several minutes. Then she scrunched up her nose, closed her eyes, nestled down in the covers and STUCK HER FREEZING COLD BARE FEET ON MY STOMACH.

I let out a small audible "oooooooohhh" and swallowed my outburst, as Daddy was sleeping 2 feet to my left. I thanked God for that little moment with my daughter and made a mental note to call Papa and apologize for the years that I woke him up like that.

Adoption Process

I have been asked on multiple occasions to recount our adoption journey. It probably will be something to come back to, once this overwhelming part is over, and so I will do so in a few parts.

To start, we must answer the question of "Why adoption?". Daddy M and I have been trying to have a family of our own for nearly 6 years. We wouldn't have started so early or so intensely, if it hadn't been for my health issues. "Have them Now or Never" is what the doctors kept saying. Surgery after surgery, fertility treatment, surgery, recovery, fertility treatment and on and on. Nothing worked. We were being told that Invitro would have a 2% chance of working (where do they come up with this stuff? 2% ... so you're saying there's a CHANCE!). Daddy and I had to face the fact that a $20k investment in starting our family meant a 2% chance of success with our own child or a 100% chance with adoption. We grieved, tried other ways to pretend it wasn't happening to us, and even ignored starting a family. For Daddy, this ignoring was a much easier process. He wasn't ready, or even sure, that family was what he wanted. Thank God that he was sure about one thing, that Mommy was what he wanted. If a family is what I needed, then a family we would have.

We went to a presentation for international adoption, feeling that if we were "buying the family" then we might as well buy one that looked like Daddy. $20k became $30k and the process requires HUGE cash deposits upfront. This was just another huge mountain, in what already seemed like an impossibly difficult journey. With the housing market, stock market, and economy being what they are, I felt like convincing Daddy to pour this kind of money for a baby was not going to happen. You still have to pay for the baby once you get it, and that wouldn't really be possible without moving to a trailer in the not so great parts of town. So, I started looking into the other ways to start a family.

While looking into ways of feeding my baby addiction, I stumbled upon a crisis center that I volunteered at in high school. It turns out that they opened an adoption agency wing. I started reading the material, found out that the process was free.. and set out on convincing Daddy that 16 weeks of classes, certifications, background checks, and mess was worth saving $20k, and that saving a child from a bad background was a noble and rewarding thing. Ultimately, we compromised (which is why I love our marriage so much) on going through the process but only to accept a white or Asian child from newborn to 2 years old. Basically, as we saved for an adoption, if they were going to give us a child in our criteria then it was a step in the same direction. We signed up and started our classes.

16 weeks of Wednesday night classes for 3 hours at a clip, First Aid certification, background checks, fingerprints, financial disclosure, family and friend and work testimonials, house inspections, psychological interviews together and alone.... and the most unexpected thing... FANTASTIC FRIENDS. A support group with a common purpose, common fears, common experiences, very very different backgrounds and stories, but a dedicated supportive group of people. Without my Wednesday Night Wannabe's ... there would be no Little Miss... because Mommy and Daddy never would have made it through all of the classes.

Finally, on July 1st, we were State Certified Adoptive Parents! Now that we were on the registry waiting list, with nothing else to do, it would be the simple matter of waiting. Ha! ha hahaahha. Did I say SIMPLE? This was the MOST excruciating part!!! Seeing teenager mothers at McDonalds cuddling their babies, going to parks and seeing all the kids play, hanging out with Racer and Princess at family get togethers, were all STARK reminders of what I didn't have. What seemed like forever (like the Sandlot scene.. FOR... E...VER) and forever, turned out to be just short of 3 months of waiting.

Daddy!

On Saturday, Little Miss was chasing the dogs around the house. Everyone was on Excitement Level 6, when M entered the game of chase/tickle/run. During all of the excitement, Little Miss ran up to M screaming "Tickle me Daddy!" and the whole room was sucked of its air. M turned to me and raised an eyebrow, which I returned in stunned fashion. We agreed in hushed conversation shortly thereafter to start referring to each other as Mommy and Daddy. Daddy and Mommy were cemented within 24 hours. There were several "Chr... Mommy can I have a drink" or "Miste... Daddy come here please" moments that Little Miss corrected herself on during that period. All of which made me smile. Now, there is no hesitation. It has been confirmed, and we are taking notice of all the times that she says it with a little smile in our hearts.

Fun at the zoo

Zoo Bates

The whole clan went to the zoo yesterday, minus Uncle M who had to work. Papa, Mimi, Auntie K, Uncle R, the Racer and Princess. We got to the zoo a whole HOUR before it opened... despite being a MEMBER of the zoo... Auntie K thought it opened at 8 not 9. We spent our extra hour eating donuts at the local Dunkin store. Little Miss's first trip to the zoo was a fun experience. We pushed a double stroller, to give Little Miss, Racer, and Princess ample opportunitites to rest. We also ran into a friend from the old neighborhood at the zoo, Amanda Banana was there with her family as well! It was so much fun to see them again and exchange stories. Little Miss rode the carousel and raced her cousins on the Cheetah MPH gauge. M, Uncle R and Papa all tied for the lead at 14 mph. I came in "2nd" at 13mph. We had a great time, no fits or crying, and headed home about 1pm. Little Miss had so much fun, that she forgot her manners at the zoo. Instead of napping, she decided to be a defiant little monster. For over an hour and a half, she refused to stay in bed and rest or nap. We had some clean up time around the house, ate dinner, and then had major bath time and straight to bed. She was so exhausted from the zoo, not resting and being Stinkface, that she fell asleep in like 5 minutes in the rocking chair. Papa took fun pictures at the zoo. I will post them tomorrow.

Stare Down Bates

After only 24 hours in our house, the following story just has to be relayed. Little Miss was placed with us Friday night. On Saturday, we had our pre-planned baby shower. This posed several problems with what to tell Little Miss the party was for and how to introduce people. Finally we decided on the truth, that all of our friends and family were coming to celebrate her living with us. The party started at 3pm at the park around the corner from our house. At about 12:30pm, Little Miss started yawning while playing with the husband (M). I told Little Miss that she could lay down and rest before the party, so she would have the energy to play at the park. This was my first encounter with the StinkFace. It so absolutely screams No Way in Hell or Over My Dead Body or F You... whichever is your term. So, I told her again. She started screaming, crying, kicking, punching, etc. I picked her up and took her upstairs. I walked up and down the hall telling her to breathe and calm down. I told her that when she was done, that we were going to talk. After 10 minutes or so, she was reduced to a sort of grunt/growl noise. I put her down on her feet in the hallway. I gave her the option of going in her room for a nap or laying down with M to rest and watch cartoons. She gave me back the StinkFace. I told her that she had to answer me when I asked her a question, and I would wait for her choice. 10 minutes later we were still staring at each other standing in the hall. She hadn't done a single thing for 10 minutes since coming to live with us the night before. Then the moment of truth... she BLINKED. I knew right then that I had won. After a few more minutes, she sat down cross legged and Stinkfaced. 15 minutes after that, she laid down with her hands behind her head, to give herself the right angle for the continuation of Stinkface. Another 10 minutes after that, I calmly picked up my new little girl, who was DEAD ASLEEP in the middle of the hall. I put her down in her bed, tucked her in, kissed her forehead, and went to get ready for the party! Parents 1 Little Miss 0

Little Miss

Blank Bates

After several requests for pictures and my initial thoughts on our adoption placement, I was getting tired of saying too bad so sad. Our little girl has a security problem. That is that Birth Mom and family have a drug and violence problem, and if they knew where we were and who we were - there would be problems. Thus, in this small world, placing pictures on FB or other sites is not a good idea. A friend of a friend of grandma might say they know who we are. Thus, an anonymous blog. The Blank Bates is my creative way of blogging " _____ Bates", as in ... fill in the blank. Maybe we are Tired Bates or Sad Bates or Blessed Bates.. We will have to see where it leads. Also, being off for 6 weeks of maternity leave, and always feeling a compulsion to write. This seems like a good medium to fix several problems. Our last 5 days has been quite the hilarious, infuriating, and challenging of our lives. I look forward to keeping a journal of our adventures and having everyone read along!